Ran Gavrieli gave a great TED talk on the effects of pornography on society, mental hygiene, and the subjugation of women. He ended it with a statement encouraging “emotionally safe sex”. I agreed of course, but then I wondered whether I would get bored with too much safety… you see, I sometimes like to just be taken rather than have to grant permission on each move. I like to be surprised and… even like it a little rough at times (perhaps harking back to primeval urges).
I then reflected on why I enjoy it only some times and I realized that it’s when I feel emotionally safe; safe enough that I grant my partner some power over me, knowing he won’t abuse it. It is nice to create an effect on my man, but it is also good to be “at his mercy” so to speak.
If I trust him, then I can safely play the role of a submissive woman (a bit of a change from my day job) encouraging him to be the “taker” knowing it is not his true perception of who I am.
On the other hand whenever I’ve had an emotionally dangerous relationship, being submissive, sexually or otherwise, was the furthest thing from my mind.