To Leonard!

I went to sleep last night listening to Leonard Cohen and I woke up this morning thinking of him. I don’t usually follow celebrity life, I don’t lust over them, and I don’t often know who is supposed to be the latest heart-throb. However, I found myself thinking that if I had to elect finalists for the “sexiest man alive” title, I’d probably consider Leonard.

It’s strange because I’m at least 20 years his junior and I don’t have a fetish for older men, so why think ‘sexy’ rather than just incredibly talented? I pondered on this as I arrived at work and continued to listen to his music, which is unusual for me as I prefer to listen alone (or whilst in the throes of passion).

I discovered his music only a few years ago. He was always old to me. I concluded that it’s all in that mind of his. His songs allude to a complex and sensitive individual and I find that incredibly attractive. There is also his voice, which in no small way contributes to the package. A man like that could have seduced me, with or without a penis.

An hour later I found out he died today at age 82. My radar scanners must have been picking up the Leonard waves from around the world. Tonight I pay my respects to him by playing his music… yet again. Not for being sexy, but for being the beautiful poet, musician, and spirit that he is.

However, this did get me thinking: if I can find a man sexy because of his mind, why do I not lust over a woman because of her inner beauty? Is my wiring so fixed that I cannot enjoy the thought of sex with a woman? Is it time for some rewiring? My experiences with men have sometimes made me wish I could. Besides, it would double my chances of soul-connecting with another human through sex. Perhaps I just haven’t tried with the right woman… Thoughts anyone?

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Sexpo visited

Been to Sexpo and lived to tell the story!

If you’ve read my earlier post on Sexpo, you’ll know I was quite nervous about going. Not because I don’t practice what I preach… I mean, I do talk about sex openly with friends and family, but because I thought I’d be faced with pushy and tacky salesmen showing off the mechanical features of their latest sex toys surrounded by half-naked females.

Well, I was pleasantly surprised, even though there were entertainers prancing around half-naked among the shoppers.

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Ageism and sex

We seem to have gone from a society who doesn’t talk about sex to one in which an unrealistic version of sex is portrayed for the masses. Not only are the diversity of human body shapes and sizes under-represented, but certain ages seem to be mostly missing from Hollywood and the world of mainstream porn.

I have friends who are twenty-something who feel utter disgust at the thought of their parents, or their friend’s parents, and god forbid grandparents, fucking (I do not use the f. word derogatorily).  And yes, grandparents also fuck. Just ask anyone who works in a nursing home.
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Self-pleasuring

Despite the negative connotations associated with masturbation, being either too sinful or too desperate for any self-respecting gal (or guy), anonymous surveys have shown that most of us masturbate, with or without guilt, and with varying frequency. I long ago decided my self-pleasure would be guilt free. I no longer make harsh judgement about “resorting to masturbation because I can’t seem to find a decent guy to have sex with”.
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Great expectations

While contemplating my romantic history one day, I realized that I’d had four serious long-term relationships in a row… all colossal failures, or at least by my definition of failure at that time. By ‘serious’ I mean involving co-habitation and/or marriage; and by long-term I mean lasting longer than 2 years… so much for ‘happily ever after’.

Of the four, three ended because he found another romantic interest (either for sex or for falling madly in love with) and I’m not used to sharing my man. Continue reading “Great expectations”

The Clitoris

As much as medicine and the sciences in general have evolved over the decades, there are still new discoveries being made about the human female anatomy.  For example, there has been extensive scientific debate regarding what the clitoris is anatomically, how it relates to orgasm, whether it provides a physiological explanation for the G-spot, whether it is an evolutionary adaptation, or serves a reproductive function.  Studies suggest that knowledge of its existence and anatomy is scant in comparison with that of other sexual organs.

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Ethical polygamy?

To date, I have not had a single romantic relationship (and for me that means with a man) which has been easy or without compromise. I sometimes analyse the strengths and weaknesses of past relationships and past partners: what went well, what needed improvement, and what ultimately led to its demise. Sometimes what led to a relationship’s demise was the relationship’s beginning i.e. one that should never have started… a clear case of wrong partner – wrong time. Other times it was almost perfect if only he could have been a little more_______ , or I could have been a little more tolerant, understanding, patient, mature, confident, assertive, etc.
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What goes around, comes around

No, this isn’t yet another warning encouraging you to only have protected sex and the dangers of sexually transmitted infections. It’s about past relationships!

I once endured verbal abuse from a partner when he discovered that I had several relationships before him. I was old enough to have had that many, but still too young to know it was nothing to be ashamed of. I felt ashamed that my relationship attempts had not endured the test of time, despite the fact that in most cases I was not the first to stop trying, or the one to cheat. Another lover admitted to being irrationally jealous of my previous partners: “why did you go with them?” he said “you should have waited for me”… the only problem being we had not yet met!
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