To Leonard!

I went to sleep last night listening to Leonard Cohen and I woke up this morning thinking of him. I don’t usually follow celebrity life, I don’t lust over them, and I don’t often know who is supposed to be the latest heart-throb. However, I found myself thinking that if I had to elect finalists for the “sexiest man alive” title, I’d probably consider Leonard.

It’s strange because I’m at least 20 years his junior and I don’t have a fetish for older men, so why think ‘sexy’ rather than just incredibly talented? I pondered on this as I arrived at work and continued to listen to his music, which is unusual for me as I prefer to listen alone (or whilst in the throes of passion).

I discovered his music only a few years ago. He was always old to me. I concluded that it’s all in that mind of his. His songs allude to a complex and sensitive individual and I find that incredibly attractive. There is also his voice, which in no small way contributes to the package. A man like that could have seduced me, with or without a penis.

An hour later I found out he died today at age 82. My radar scanners must have been picking up the Leonard waves from around the world. Tonight I pay my respects to him by playing his music… yet again. Not for being sexy, but for being the beautiful poet, musician, and spirit that he is.

However, this did get me thinking: if I can find a man sexy because of his mind, why do I not lust over a woman because of her inner beauty? Is my wiring so fixed that I cannot enjoy the thought of sex with a woman? Is it time for some rewiring? My experiences with men have sometimes made me wish I could. Besides, it would double my chances of soul-connecting with another human through sex. Perhaps I just haven’t tried with the right woman… Thoughts anyone?

The Womanizer

When shopping for a sex toy, I’m not a fan of the vibrating electronic buzz. I would much rather have a stroke or a suck on the clit, or a vaginal / G-Spot prod, rather than a buzz anywhere, if that makes sense. I really can’t see how those dildos which just vibrate are supposed to work on their own. If I don’t move it vigorously, nothing happens, which means I might as well use the hard glass non-vibrating type… no batteries to find.

Anyway, the Womanizer promises to be different. It stimulates the area around the clit using vibration and suction.

“The pleasure cap is placed over the clitoris, making a delicate seal around it. This creates a slight suction to tease and stimulate the clitoris via microprocessor-controlled pressure waves. You will know it is in the right spot when the sound of the vibrator changes to a very quiet sound”.

You know that feeling when your clit becomes untouchable because you’ve had an orgasm and you just can’t bear any more sensation there? Well apparently Womaniser bypasses that feeling, allowing for multiple clitoral orgasms. I had a demonstration on my thumb at Sexpo, if that’s anything to go by, and it felt promising. The only thing that stopped me from getting one on the spot was the price tag – even with the promotional Sexpo discount. It is a bit on the high end, but if it does all that it’s cracked up to do, it may just be worth it! It’s on my wish list for now.

Sexpo visited

Been to Sexpo and lived to tell the story!

If you’ve read my earlier post on Sexpo, you’ll know I was quite nervous about going. Not because I don’t practice what I preach… I mean, I do talk about sex openly with friends and family, but because I thought I’d be faced with pushy and tacky salesmen showing off the mechanical features of their latest sex toys surrounded by half-naked females.

Well, I was pleasantly surprised, even though there were entertainers prancing around half-naked among the shoppers.

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Sex as sustenance

‘Sex’ is as important as eating or drinking and we ought to allow the one appetite to be satisfied with as little restraint or false modesty as the other.

[Marquis de Sade]


This quote reminds me of an episode of Red Dwarf(1) set in a holographic ship manned by a super-intelligent holographic crew. It shows one of the many ways the above quote can be lived, at least in science fiction: Holoship – First Elevator Scene.

I like sex coupled with romantic notions and spiritual intimacy, but that is not always achievable or desirable, and I see nothing wrong with viewing sex as sustenance for the body, much like food, provided participants act responsibly and with informed consent.


(1) A science fiction sit-com started in the 80s

Favourite quotes

“Raindrops on roses and whiskers on kittens
Bright copper kettles and warm woollen mittens
Brown paper packages tied up with strings
These are a few of my favourite things”

Is there anyone who doesn’t know that song? No, seriously, I collect quotes much like a curator of physical things, and here are just a few of my favourites.

Let’s talk about sex

If we are going to be more open about sex, then let’s talk about real sex, not the kind that is done purely for the camera. I am not against pornography per se, I just haven’t found any that is appealing, despite the diversity of sub-genres in the porn world. Many films feel as though I have come in halfway through the plot (what plot?), only to become a myopic bed bug with a camera focused solely on genital organs, as though in some kind of operating theater.

To me, the most exciting part of a relationship, be it for a season or a lifetime, is the sexual tension, the furtive looks, the “accidental” touch, the intense I-want-you glare, the glowing warmth of admiration, the unspoken dares, which mostly happen before the first kiss. Yet that is exactly what is omitted from all the porn I have seen to date. If anyone knows otherwise please enlighten me.

Ageism and sex

We seem to have gone from a society who doesn’t talk about sex to one in which an unrealistic version of sex is portrayed for the masses. Not only are the diversity of human body shapes and sizes under-represented, but certain ages seem to be mostly missing from Hollywood and the world of mainstream porn.

I have friends who are twenty-something who feel utter disgust at the thought of their parents, or their friend’s parents, and god forbid grandparents, fucking (I do not use the f. word derogatorily).  And yes, grandparents also fuck. Just ask anyone who works in a nursing home.
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Not my forever man

Today we decided that he is not my “forever man”. My partner and I broke up sanely and have agreed to remain friends. I think I will listen to Tracy McMillan’s video again, search for the best marriage vows I can find online, and go through a little marriage ceremony with myself.

Right now it hurts like hell, but I know this too shall pass. He is a wonderful man. We are just not what we each need. I am grateful for all that I have learned from living with him. Now I have to learn to be single again. Somehow I think just having this blog will help.