Despite the negative connotations associated with masturbation, being either too sinful or too desperate for any self-respecting gal (or guy), anonymous surveys have shown that most of us masturbate, with or without guilt, and with varying frequency. I long ago decided my self-pleasure would be guilt free. I no longer make harsh judgement about “resorting to masturbation because I can’t seem to find a decent guy to have sex with”.

Neither do I let it reflect badly on the guy I’m with.  I masturbate, not because he fails to please me, not because I have no other option, and certainly not because I am possessed by the devil!  I do it simply because it is the most direct way of obtaining instant gratification that is completely harmless to myself or anyone else. It is harmless because I don’t let it affect my self esteem like it used to.

Also, just because I have masturbated does not make me any less horny for my man.  I tell myself there is an abundance of orgasms to be had, with or without him, and there usually is. I suspect this may be different for guys due to their required down time (figuratively and literally speaking) after each orgasm. Any comments from the male readership?


11 thoughts on “Self-pleasuring

  1. Your comment “I suspect this may be different for guys due to their required down time (figuratively and literally speaking) after each orgasm.” implies male masturbation always leads to orgasm. It does not. It is fun to have “non-terminal” masturbation solo or with a woman; it’s just one more tool in the shed.

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        1. In the interests of anonymity I was tempted to leave the country field blank but with so much US and UK content dominating discussions I thought I should be another voice for and from down under.

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  2. I masturbate to fall asleep even if I already had sex that day. No guilt. Not wanting to make the male/female binary more important than it is but I do think there are key differences between male and female orgasms. Weather due to social forces or just as a result of our different “tools” and hormones, I don’t know. Study has shown little difference though:


    1. Thanks Hugo. Both interesting articles. I guess it depends on what is meant by similar. The studies examined brain activity and muscle contractions and in both cases the male and female responses seemed similar, but I wonder if that was comparing a clitoral orgasm or a G-Spot orgasm to the male orgasm. To me clit and vaginal orgasms are quite different. A clitoral orgasm has a definite rise toward the point of no return and a rapid drop to where any touch of the clit feels like too much. There would have to be some down-time before I was ready for the clit to be touched again, let alone orgasm again. I suspect that’s similar to a penis. A G-Spot orgasm is more like a rise toward a plateau and just constant small peaks (orgasms) and falls within the plateau range… and it is never too much to touch that spot. I might get tired, thirsty or hungry, but the G-Spot could carry on receiving pressure from thrusting and it would not feel like too much. I wonder if my brain patterns or the contractions of the pelvic muscles would be that similar between just those two types of orgasms alone? More research is definitely needed.


  3. I’m a female, but I totally agree about masturbation while in a relationship. It has nothing to do with not being satisfied, it is just something I enjoy doing alongside fun with a partner. If anything, it has made my time with my partner even better, as I have discovered what I like and can bring this into time with him. For example, I recently unlocked the skill to have a g-spot orgasm by myself and it has now meant I have experienced two with him, which I don’t think I ever would have done without exploring myself first. Great article!

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